Sunday, November 22, 2009

Oh, the holidays.

Everyone says that the holidays are difficult after you lose someone you love. That made sense after my grandma died…there were so many memories, so many traditions…and it was difficult, especially the first year after she died.

But when people started telling me a couple of weeks ago that the holidays this year would be tough for us, I found it kind of strange…I thought to myself, ‘well, everyday is difficult, but Thanksgiving and Christmas will probably just seem like any other day in terms of our loss.’ We have no memories with Zachary around the holidays. I have no idea what it would be like to open presents with my baby dressed in his jammies on Christmas morning, so I have no idea what I’m missing.

But, as this week begins, I’m really sad, and celebration feels forced. And, while I have no memories of what was with Zachary because he was with us for such a short time, I’m realizing that everyone was right…the next month is going to be tough. I’ve spent a lot of time praying and thinking through my emotions in the past couple of days, and I’m realizing that, with all of the emphasis on family during the holiday season, my sadness stems from the feeling that my family is incomplete. It feels kind of like someone amputated an appendage. It’s so weird.

But, maybe a rambunctious celebration isn’t necessary. Maybe I can just reflect on God’s faithfulness and worship Him, thankful for what was and what is now, even if it feels incomplete. Because someday…someday…it will be complete…better than complete.

" keeping with His promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness." 2 Peter 3:13

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