I read Luke 24 over the weekend, and I've been chewing on it for a couple of days now. The scene takes place after the brutal crucifixion of Christ and His resurrection from the grave three days later. Here it is:

"Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing Him.

He asked them, 'What are you discussing together as you walk along?' They stood still, their faces downcast. One of them, named Cleopas, asked Him, 'Are you only a visitor to Jerusalem and do not know the things that have happened there in these days?'

'What things?' He asked.

'About Jesus of Nazareth,' they replied. 'He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed Him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified Him; but we had hoped that He was the One who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place....

...He said to them, 'How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!'"

How many times have I asked God 'where are You' when He has been right next to me...residing with me in our quiet, empty house...driving with me when I've cried all the way to work...sitting in the living room with us when we receive a phone call that one more job possibility has fallen through...in the doctor's office with me when the news isn't good?

How many times have I just missed Him...ignored Him...been too concerned about my hurts to recognize His presence? And 'slow of heart to believe'?

Oswald Chamber, in My Utmost For His Highest, says this about the poisonous feeling of spiritual dejection:

"[It]...causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer. What have I been hoping or trusting God would do? Is today 'the third day' and He has still not done what I expected? Am I therefore justified in being dejected and in blaming God? Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get ahold of God, not of the answer."

My mom reminded me this week that I might not ever understand this side of heaven all of the 'why's'...and when I get to heaven it probably won't matter because I'll have God...all of God! Answers won't matter there, so they probably shouldn't matter so much here, either. My relationship with God (which is an unfathomable gift in itself) must be based on the belief that He is good...always...in every situation, and it must be compelled purely by a pursuit of the true and living God, not answers.

God, please help me my unbelief.

Please pray with us - yesterday I was asked to join a medical missions team to Haiti and everything in me wants to go. We don't have the money, and they leave in less than two weeks, but maybe this is just one more area in which God wants to stretch my trust in Him.