It's such a strange feeling, and I don't know why it hurts today more than usual. It's one of those days when I know that everything is going to be okay, but what I'd really like is good. And, to be honest, the hole in my heart makes me wonder how life can ever be good again. I just miss my baby boy so much.
I've got all sorts of things I could and should be doing right now. We have friends coming over for dinner and nothing is ready, but I can't get myself to move. I want to curl up in a ball and pretend that this never happened, and that I don't actually have to live the rest of my life without my Zachary. I want it all to be a really bad dream. I want to wake up without that hole in my heart. And I am struggling with the fact that it's not possible.
I guess I should probably get off the couch, though. It will still hurt whether or not I'm cleaning the bathroom.
Oh, Lord - give me energy. Give me purpose. Just drench me in Your love right now. Let the encouragement of Your Spirit be a healing balm to my crushed heart in this moment.