To say that my heart is at peace on a day by day, moment by moment basis would be a lie. Don't get me wrong...I'm trying. But, the truth is, I'm anxious, and it's a battle every hour to choose to trust the Lord with this little girl's life.
I haven't been in the birthing center of our hospital since we walked out empty-handed almost 18 months ago, and just the thought of going back makes me heart race a little bit faster. While this baby girl is extremely active, I have moments of panic where I can practically convince myself that I haven't felt her move for a while and that something is wrong. I guess when you've lived through worst case pregnancy scenario, these feelings are hard to shake.
But mixed with the anxiety is pure excitement. I can't believe I will get to hold my daughter in just a few weeks!
God keeps reminding me that He is the same, no matter what...that He is big and He can handle my fear...and that He is good - always.
"In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your years will never end."