Tuesday night we pulled into the driveway a little after 11pm. While I was exhausted, I sat in the passenger’s seat with an incredible sense of awe.

On Tuesday night I held a newborn for the first time since I held my own son.

It’s something I have utterly dreaded since last May. I’ve skipped countless baby showers, refused to extend my arms to hold an infant, avoided conversations, and, sadly enough, even avoided friends. I have cocooned myself against the world in a sense because, to my weakened heart, the world has been harsh. And, in my little cocoon, I had built up so much anxiety that I didn’t know if I would ever be able to hold an infant again.

But I did. And it was wonderful. In the comfort of a home where I've spend countless hours and with people who love us tremendously, I held baby Noelle.

No tears. Just love.

Thanks, Paul and Julie, for sharing your precious gift with me.