It's been a week since we came home from the hospital...it's hard to believe! Most of the time I feel like we're just stumbling through a valley. The grief comes in waves, usually when we least expect it. So many times our hearts feel heavy and our arms feel so, very empty. But, at the same time, we have known TRUE joy...so far from happiness...joy that trusts in God's purposes, even when it hurts, and is full of anticipation for what's to come.
Yesterday we had a small service with family and close friends at the cemetery to remember our baby boy and celebrate his life. It was a strong reminder that this world is not home...the best is yet to come!!
Below is a letter that I wrote to Zachary just a week ago before we left the hospital, and it was read yesterday at his service:
Zachary Michael –
I’m so proud to be your mommy!
Yesterday was the hardest day of my life, but you were so perfect!...
...Zachary, I want you to know how important your life was – you mattered in this world, and I believe with all my heart that we cannot even begin to imagine the purposes that God had in mind when He so masterfully created you. What a privilege to be your parents!
Your name means, “the Lord remembers,” and we always will, too. Until I get to hold you again and place my hand against your chest and feel your heartbeat, know that we love you more than we thought was humanly possible. We’re proud of you, son. Thank you for the incredible blessing you are and will continue to be in our lives. I can’t wait to hold you and sing to you one day!
Love Forever and Ever,
Your Mommy
I can't wait to kneel before the throne of God one day with my son by my side and worship for all of eternity! I cant even wrap my mind around it!! But at the same time, I have confidence that God has so many good things for us here, and He wants to use Zachary's short life to accomplish great purposes...He already is!
Please continue to pray for us! And thank you for the incredible picture you've painted for us of how the Body of Christ was intended to function - your love and prayers continue to carry us!
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We love you. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We continue to lift you up in prayer every day.
ReplyDeleteAmazing...that is the word that is coming to mind right now. Courtney, I think and pray for you and Shaun everyday. Thank you so much for sharing your heart...what a beautiful letter you wrote to your sweet Zachary!
ReplyDeletePsalm 91:1-2...He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Lifting you up to Him!
Missy Evenson
We LOVED the letter your wrote! What courage you both have right now. I am sure the service was simply beautiful. We think of you both daily. When the time is right and you feel up to it, we would love to drop by a hot meal (you are still a recovering mama Courtney and should take it easy). We don't even need to visit if you aren't up for it, but we just want you both to be taken care of even in those small ways of day to day life. Blessings, The Lont Fam
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