Here are a few pictures from Kaylee's birthday:

Kaylee Hope DeYager

Family pic (at 4am!)

Proud daddy

I just can't get enough of her!

I've sat down to write here several times over the past two weeks, but between the needs of a newborn and flat-out not knowing how to sort through my emotions, I haven't even tried to put it into words.

But I'll try now.

Labor and delivery went as well as I could have ever imagined.

I was having non-stress tests to monitor Kaylee's heart rate twice a week. On Friday, November 26th, I went in to the hospital as scheduled for my NST. At my appointment, I was already dilated to 5cm, but there weren't enough nurses on the floor to admit me to induce then, so my midwife told us to go get some dinner and come back to the hospital to have a baby at 7pm. So, Shaun and I cruised through Costco and Home Depot to get some Black Friday deals, stopped at home to eat some dinner, and then headed back to the hospital. (It was so weird to be asked while we were shopping, 'So, when are you due?' and to answer, 'At 7pm tonight, actually.') :-)

By the time we got back to the birth center, I was already having contractions two minutes apart. Shaun and I walked through the halls for much of the next two hours. At around 10pm, my midwife broke my water, and after three more hours of hard labor and two pushes, I was holding my beautiful baby girl!

God answered so many prayers that night.

I had some apprehension about being induced because I wanted to go natural, so to already be in labor when we got back to the hospital was such an answer to prayer. And, although it was an amazing experience to go drug-free, I think it will be the last time I try it! :-)

I was also really afraid of the emotional intensity of walking back into the birth center where we delivered Zachary. It was not nearly as difficult as I had imagined. As Shaun and I walked through the halls, we passed room 2337, where we held our baby boy, several times. I was able to thank God for His faithfulness as I looked at that room number. He has changed us over and over again because of the 48 hours we spent in that room. And to remember did not fill me with fear as I had anticipated.

And, let me just sum up some of the most joyful moments of my life (and greatest answers to my prayers):

-to have a screaming, wiggling baby placed on my chest

-to drive out of the hospital parking lot with a baby in the carseat

-to lay my baby girl down to sleep at night in a crib that sat empty for 18 months

-to have that maternal desire finally fulfilled

-to watch Shaun change diapers and thoroughly enjoy his little girl

-to look down right now and see my beautiful girl asleep on my chest

Our time at home has not been without its difficult moments. It's so hard to realize all that we missed out on with Zachary. And, I have to daily recognize that Kaylee belongs to the Lord, and to constantly place her life back into His hands in total surrender. But we are loving having the opportunity to care for her and love on her. She's just as sweet as can be!

Thank you so much for your prayers over the past several months, and especially the past two weeks. We are so, so thankful.

Below is a link to some beautiful newborn photos that our friend, Cassie took for us this past weekend.

http://www.simplycherishedphotos.com/preview-deyager-family-renton-newborn-photographer/

Kaylee Hope arrived on 11/27/10 at 12:56am weighing 8 lb, 8 oz and 20 inches long. We couldn't be more in love!

"Fear is lost in all You are" - Hillsong, To The Ends of The Earth

I knew that this stage of pregnancy - the waiting - would be difficult, but I had no idea just how mentally and emotionally exhausted it would leave me. Throughout the day I am plagued by the "what if's," and yet I am so encouraged by the number of people who are praying for us constantly. I'm so ready to hear this baby girl cry and hold her in my arms.

"We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name.

May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,

even as we put our hope in You."

-Psalm 33:20-22

"The Lord will accomplish what concerns me." - Psalm 138:8a

In less than a month our girl will be here.

To say that my heart is at peace on a day by day, moment by moment basis would be a lie. Don't get me wrong...I'm trying. But, the truth is, I'm anxious, and it's a battle every hour to choose to trust the Lord with this little girl's life.

I haven't been in the birthing center of our hospital since we walked out empty-handed almost 18 months ago, and just the thought of going back makes me heart race a little bit faster. While this baby girl is extremely active, I have moments of panic where I can practically convince myself that I haven't felt her move for a while and that something is wrong. I guess when you've lived through worst case pregnancy scenario, these feelings are hard to shake.

But mixed with the anxiety is pure excitement. I can't believe I will get to hold my daughter in just a few weeks!

God keeps reminding me that He is the same, no matter what...that He is big and He can handle my fear...and that He is good - always.

Psalm 102:25-27:

"In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your years will never end."

This weekend we were absolutely blessed with multiple baby showers for our daughter. It was such sweet time with people who truly love our children. It was easy to celebrate the arrival of our girl with the recognition that I've already been a mommy for a year and a half. We have awesome friends.

And, yet, even after spending hours in that baby room this weekend organizing gifts, sorting pink clothes into appropriate sizes and putting up decorations, there is still a huge disconnect in my mind between the preparation for this baby and the possibility that we might actually get to bring her home and put her to bed in that room and dress her in those adorable outfits. I don't know if it's just because I still can't seem to let my mind go there, or if I simply have no concept of what it will be like to leave the hospital with a baby. Such a strange feeling...

But Shaun and I are just praising God for His faithfulness. Enjoying today and learning not to worry so much about tomorrow. No matter where we're headed, God's already been there. I think back to what I was feeling at this time last year, and I'm so thankful for His healing in my heart. I've learned so much about Who He is and how limited I am. He is our Hope and our Sustainer, both now and always.